M&M Cookie Dough Ice Cream Cake

  It seems conflicting that while I am pushing myself and doing my darnedest I still feel more lost than ever.  It seems like poor timing that I should lose all interest in school during the time when I really need to be studying the most.  It seems unfair that I still have no specific direction and yet everyone keeps asking about how that's going.

  The life of an INFP am I righttttttt

The New Digs

  I have seen a lot of shoes lately.  A lot of bodies, a lot of backpacks.  Students numbering so many that we stop traffic between classes.  A part of one giant horde of people, in one very spread out university.

  The picture above is from a photo project I had to do for class last month.  We got to play around with a digital Panasonic and this is one of my favorite images that my partner captured.  Photo credit goes out to my girl, Maame, she did a great job.

  I want to say that I'm really sorry I don't have any new recipes for you, but I promise that I have lots of things to write about.  I didn't know it was possible to really get homesick for a blog space, but it is.  And I've been homesick for all of you, because pretty much nothing these days is familiar.

The Ellen Brain Bar (DIY Energy Bars)

  If you were to rewind about 6 months ago, you'd find a very cold and nervous Ellen standing outside the front door of a coffeeshop at 6:15 on a Sunday morning in the middle of a snowstorm.  After slipping and sliding my car to the side streets to park, I remember trudging through snow-drifted sidewalks and not being able to remember where the back door to the cafe was.  It was my first day on the job.  I finally had a job, and I couldn't find the dang door.  I had to go in there and make people coffee.  I had to learn how to write all the drinks shorthand.  I had to learn how to really wrap a wrap for, like, another person.

Dairy-Free Double Chocolate Banana Cake

  "What are your academic interests?"

  "Career field you could see yourself in?"

  "Have a major lined up by the end of sophomore year."

  "Oh, Journalism, you must really love writing and the news."

  "When are you opening your own bakery?"

  "What's your passion?"

  "What makes you happy?"

  I wiped off my palms for the 10th time as my well-meaning temporary advisor guided me through the sign-up process.  The entire day was devoted to getting transfers acclimated, and all around me I felt the vibe of uncertainty pulsing as we all tried to navigate our way around a new system.  Every time I turned a corner in the Union, I felt more than saw the memory ghosts intent upon making the day harder than it already had it to be.  My hands shook and I dropped a lot of things.  I came out with too many papers and enough anxiety to fill a five-gallon bucket.

Pink Lemonade Crinkle Cookies

  It's June.  The months have been flying before my eyes these days, bookmarked by the occasional little blurb of a blog post.  I've had far too many people coming and going from my life lately.  I'm learning the ins and outs of latte art.  I'm working through a massive spring head cold.

Mint Chocolate Chip Meringues

  I think some of my earliest memories of pine needles come from the little fir grove on my grandparent's farm.  That grove used to seem huge to me.  The tall, curiously cloaked trees constantly dropping pine cones and covering the ground with their sleek leaves.  The shag carpet effect those dying needles created mesmerized me.  The way the light filtered through those trees was different, but I remember loving it.  It was always pretty there, no matter the time of year.

  While that grove was often my go to, other places on the farm also grabbed me.  The raspberry bushes, sunflowers, hammock, the back field where you could see all the land rolling out perfectly beneath you.  Living on a hilltop is not something to take for granted.

Project

  It's been an age since I posted just for the sake of posting.  I've been stressing myself out, week after week, to just bake/cook something so I could have an excuse to write.  I'm kind of realizing how silly that is, how it causes me to lose sight of the fact that I actually started this blog because I truly enjoy being in the kitchen.

  Truth is, I'm just busy.  But it's not just busy, because really, we're all busy.  It's also that I don't feel like organizing my busy-ness.  I don't want to prioritize.  Something about writing that out makes me feel 10x lazier than I know I really am.

Cream Puffs

  A crisp spring wind hit my back as I stood surveying the dinkiest of little man-made lake-ponds.  Behind me, the bars on nearly every corner of that downtown rural city were starting to liven up.  I glanced back at them wearily through the archway that marked the beginning of the descending stairs.  There was a strange kind of beauty here, and I always found it worth the 20 minute walk from campus.  Lampposts lit up the walking path, and I remember having some of my most peaceful times there.  It felt like somewhere else.

Brown Butter Brioche Cinnamon Rolls

  Can we stop the world for a minute?  Let's stop the commuting, milk steaming, 5:00 AM-ing, money saving, and school prepping for just a bit.  Because I need to talk to you about something very very important.

  These cinnamon rolls.  The best.  The best best best best best.

Gluten Free Cinnamon Raisin Pancakes with Apple Topping

  Whoever you are, I want the pizza you're consuming or thinking about getting.  I want the scones you're baking, the bacon you're frying, the cheese you just bought, the gummy bears you got as your after-work treat.

  In other words, I'm on a diet.  I, Ellen, curator of the sugariest of blogs, am on a freakin diet.

  No, I'm not concerned about thunder thighs, love handles, or any of that stuff.  I'm on the Elimination Diet, a 3-week digestive cleanse in which you cut out all the good things ever and start incorporating them back in very slowly to see how they affect you.  Just...google it.  Everyone does it a little differently.

Salted Peanut Butter Cup Brown Butter Blondies

  Girl, where you at.

  I'm on doorsteps in nostalgic neighborhoods watching snow come down.  I'm in cafes in college towns.  I'm washing dishes and learning the art of making wraps and cappuccinos.  I've got my foot in my mouth about all the relationships going on in my life.  I'm wishing on the stars and walking the streets.  I'm browsing apartment listings with weary eyes.  I'm dissecting my feelings.  I'm dissing the drama.

  And I'm making blondies.  I'm keeping things simple where I have the power to do so.

Deviled Egg Salad with Bacon (When Your Eggs Just Won't Peel)

  I kind of like being unconventional, unpredictable, and coloring just a little outside the lines.

  However, at the same time, I hate not having some semblance of a schedule, not having an outfit picked out, or having deviled eggs completely turn on me.

  I'm a unique soul that embraces both chaos and calm.  I like having a blog centered around baking and pretty scones, until I feel like trying something new and photographing something I actually ate for lunch.  I really hope you don't think that I live on cookies and braided nutella bread.  I mean, that'd be pretty cool, but we wouldn't have a sweet world if there wasn't a bit of savory involved.

  I mean, have I ever told you how much I love pickles?  Seriously.  And a good salsa?  Salt, I need salt in my life.  And not just salted caramel.

Grapefruit Honey Yogurt Scones

  Guess what!  It only took me three years, but I finally got around to photographing these delightful citrus-y triangles of goodness again.

  In case you feel like you're missing something, let me just show you the stellar first photographs:

Gooey Cinnamon Squares

  Raise your hand if you've been freaking out about the New Year and reading Joy's post has made you feel a tiny bit better.  The Best of Intentions for 2015, goshdang I love that woman.

  Maybe another 365 days shouldn't feel so daunting, but seriously, they do.  They really do.  Which is why you have to do the whole one day at a time mantra, cuz otherwise it's all just too much.  Maybe you've started doing the oil cleansing method and your face-skin is royally freaking out at this sudden adjustment.  Maybe you've been dabbling in the world of liquid eyeliner and perfecting your cat eye.  Maybe you've taken up yoga and grounded yourself from shopping and excessive gas use-age until one of these job interviews actually works out for you.  Maybe you've been doing a lot of official writing for things like school applications (heaven forbid) and you just need a good paragraph or two of letting your brain explode.

  And maybe that's just me.