Chocolate Peanut Butter Tart & 3 Years of Indigo

  There was laughter, maybe a bit of drizzle, a definite chill in the air, and I was full of energy.  Words and ideas and silly jokes tumbled out of my mouth, loosened with a little help from some liquids.  I considered the cracked sidewalk of the college campus I had walked just a short year before as a student, and I smiled at the few people present who knew both the student and non-student Ello.

  As they always seem to do in these situations, my suddenly quick feet took me more than a few yards ahead of the group, and I turned around to jog backwards and shoot them some sass.  While doing this, my attentions were suddenly captured by the remark of one equally tongue-loosened fellow.

  "I like it when you talk, Ello."

  Because I'm generally a pretty quiet girl, this made me incredibly happy.  Knowing that people not only heard my voice, but also appreciated it.

Greek Kalamata Feta Rolls

  I am currently of the belief that sticking Kalamata olives and feta cheese into a dish automatically makes it Greek.  These rolls are, by no means, an authentic/traditional Greek fare.  I don't wanna get in trouble.  But, I'm also not going to say that these wouldn't be fantastic with a good glass of wine and a bowl of Dijon by the Mediterranean Sea.  So do with that what you will.

Salted Peanut Butter Pretzel Cookies

  There are quite a few things that run through my head late at night, and a lot of times they have something to do with food.  I've gotten some of my best recipe ideas right before I fall asleep, sometimes even in my dreams, ya know.

  Anyway, I was visualizing pressing down peanut butter cookie dough with a fork, creating that lovely criss cross pattern.  Somehow this segued into pressing down cookie dough with a pretzel...and then sprinkling on a little extra sea salt.

  I might be the only one who thinks this is the best idea ever, and I did end up using a fork to flatten the dough initially anyway, but salflksdg;hasdlcken;aoishegea.sde.

  These were really freaking good.

Mini Tiered Red Velvet Macaroon Cake

  Hello hello hello.  Guess what? 

  I'm in my 20s!  Yay!  Not 21, just 20, but yay!  That's kinda cool, kinda weird.

  I had a rough week last week, I've been having some up and downs in general.  But right now, right now is good.  I've had a quote stuck in my head lately that goes along the lines of "Wherever you are, be all there."  I guess it's a live in the moment kind of thing, but just a wee bit more introspective than YOLO.  I get into bad habits of worrying, fretting, and all that.  Then I find myself looking back and realizing I never let myself enjoy the really good times I have had as much as I could've, either because I didn't realize how good they really were at the time or because I was busy thinking of something else my daydreaming worrying brain conjured.  

  So EFF THAT let's eat cake and sit in cafes and watch grumpy little Wisconsin-ers dash about in the first flurries of snow.  Sometimes Starbucks is my saving grace, there is almost nothing a good dose of people watching can't fix.

Cream Cheese Apple Coffee Cake

ambedo 

n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life. 

Irish Apple Cake with Salted Caramel Glaze

  I have a history with apple orchards, they started out as an annual trip for my family.  Heading over to western Wisconsin to visit my grandparents we'd snag some honeycrisps, drink cider samples from little paper cones, indulge in honey mustard and pretzels, pick our own caramel apple, and stop at a particular vantage point from which you could overlook an entire town nestled into a valley.  These trips were always beautiful, but after a certain age they begin to be milestones for me.  Events revolved around these trips, but even while they happened it was like being stuck in some kind of time capsule.  Despite the past and foreboding future, you didn't believe any of it really mattered, not as long as you had rocks to climb, apples to eat, and scenery to daydream with.

Greek Yogurt Nutella Brulée

  There might be something to those Wordless Wednesday posts.  I've sat here staring with a million and one thoughts running through my head, but I can't settle on one thread.  I'm passively watching the unraveling thoughts of my brain float around the room, past present and future all in one place.  Remembering, lingering, forgetting, planning.

  Isn't that what the transitional season of fall is for?  Adjusting from summer ventures to winter duties?  I dunno.

  But I do know that this season still gets me, every time.  People give spring too much credit, I think, giving it almost ethereal qualities.  I never feel that in the spring.  For as long as I can remember, the magic has always been in the colored leaves and cloudy skies of autumn.  This is the season where things really happen, and you can't help but feel everything around you. 

Cheddar Apple Pie Biscuits

  I'm gonna be honest with you here, there's a whole lot going on right now.  A whole lot.  I'm not entirely sure what to call my emotional state of being at this point, it fluctuates and is regularly cut off when I have to turn my brain into work mode.

  But what I do know is that in the midst of all this transition, I am love love loving fall.  Considering that I was in boiling hot Arizona for a couple months and that this time last year I was choking on homework every day, you can imagine the subsequent contentment I get just from taking a stroll and looking at trees.

Ferrero Rocher Cake

  I left you with Black & White Cookies and then drove across the country real quick to get back home.  There were some long nightmare-ish hours in the dead of night on Kansas backroads, a faulty GPS took us off the interstate, a quick nap amongst semis, a venti Starbucks iced latte that I heartily regretted later, and then hugs.  So many hugs.  My entire family was shocked at the drastic change in skin tone (I was referred to as "cinnamon stick"), and I was throwing on sweatshirts from the sudden 30 degree drop in temperature.

  So weird.

Black and White Cookies & ALS Awareness

  I come to you today with cookies the size of your face and some disease awareness.

  In the midst of all these ice buckets and facebook videos, it's easy to lose track of what we're actually doing it all for.  ALS is a crippling and totally unfair disease, and this tearjerker video reminds us of that.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Pistachio Muffins

  "You're a very unpredictable person, Ello."

  I've had two months of unemployment, pool time, shopping, aimless wandering, dead end interviews, and Netflix.  And then I decided that maybe this isn't the place for me long-term, not just yet.  And there it is, I'm headed back to good ol' Wisco, where at least there's a job on the horizon and some school potential.  After that, who knows?  But at least I'll be not knowing with a whole lot of other people just as lost as I am, and my family nearby.  And after two months of well-meaning Zonies, my sweet Aunt, and two little dogs, I'm pretty dang ready for all that again.

  I kind of like that, unpredictable.  Makes me feel like I can do just about anything if I really wanted to.  And no matter where that ends up taking me, at least I can say I did what I really felt was best.  And just maybe all these little and not-so-little decisions/moves will build me up into a well-lived person.  Because I'm figuring out that growth isn't easy, and absolutely does not happen the way you think it would.  And I'm beginning to be ok with that, ok with the idea that sometimes you do need to be knocked out of your comfort zone a few (hundred) times.

Classic Tiramisu

  It was only a matter of time before the real deal made it to my blog.  I harped on about tiramisu last year when I made these delightful little sandwiches, I've spent hours wrestling mascarpone to make a cupcake version, I've struggled with chocolate to make the perfect curl, piped ladyfingers, tried some crazy layering things, and eaten this dessert every time I'm at a good Italian restaurant.

Brown Butter Nectarine Upside-Down Cake

  This cake was an answer to an emergency dessert need, is a variation of one of my favorite recipes, and was the last thing I made in my home kitchen before I up and left.  I didn't mean to post it, but it was so pretty that I had to snap a few pictures.  And it's what floated into my head a few weeks ago when the first real wave of homesickness hit.

Deep Dish Apple Pie for One

  I made a pie.  I made this pie as an ode to messy young love, long lonely days, and a potential cure for a plummet in appetite.

  I never delved much into the pie world, I've made a couple but they were way back when.  It's silly, because pie wins over cake for me almost every time.  We just tend to build it up into this unobtainable, scary thing that must have the perfect crust, cheese on top, the newest idea for a filling, and so on.  Oh, Ladycakes posted a refreshingly adorable, single-serving pie that wasn't obnoxious.  Simple all-butter pastry, keep everything well chilled and you're pretty much golden.

Ice Cream with Coffee Grounds (Gelato con Fondi di Caffè)

  I did this thing.  I went out and bought really expensive Italian roast coffee, even though I don't drink coffee, and then I got some good ol' Vanilla Swiss Almond Häagen-Dazs.  I sprinkled these pricey Italian grounds on a few generous scoops of ice cream and called it lunch.  Why did I do this?

Blueberry Brie Scones with Lemon Curd

  This week I had dinner with our Italian neighbor, experienced some spectacular Arizona sunsets, got rejected from two jobs, filled out so many applications I could probably recite every detail of my work history, watched a lot of Netflix, made grilled cheese with brie and good cheddar, skyped my sister through making my Nutella cookies, and found that being sunburned in 108 degree F weather is not fun.

Fresh Fig Breakfast Cake and a Road Trip

  If you wish to test the quality of your friendship/relationship with someone, I've figured out that there are two specific ways to do this.  One is to go on a 3-hour tubing route on a river in rural Wisconsin.  No phones, no bathrooms, no stops.  Just you, the other person, two floating tubes tied together with baling twine, and whatever passersby you happen upon.  It works, and it's pretty great when done with the right person.

  The other way is to take a road trip almost across the country in a two-door Cavalier crammed with most of your life's belongings, and only stopping for one night.  That's real.

  Oh, by the way, I'm in Arizona.  That's weird.  There's fresh figs here, some odd trees, cacti, lizards, and a whole lot of heat.  A whole lot.  But I made it, and it's been almost a week since we pulled in and I promptly hit the makeshift bed on the floor and fell asleep.

Soft Frosted Peanut Butter Chip Sugar Cookies

  Family trips to the grandparent's farm in the hilly terrain of Western Wisconsin are some of my favorite memories.  In that two hour car ride I'd memorized every landmark, and been to every Kwik Trip bathroom en route.  We'd hit the curvy back roads and I knew that soon I'd hear the familiar crackle and pinging of tiny rocks as we turned onto their gravel driveway.  Mounting that last hill, Grandpa and Grandma's little farm spread out before us, and the sweetest mutt of a dog named Heidi rang alongside as we pulled in.

  Upon entering the house, I was engulfed in a lavender/cookie scented hug from Grandma Edna, and then I'd run across the room to be swept up by my Grandpa Carmen.  And every time, as long as I was little enough and he was physically able, he always threw me up in the air and said, "Ellie May, you're gettin' so big!"  He's the only person who's ever called me that, and I'm pretty sure nobody else could ever get away with it.

Mixed Berry Apple Crisp

  Crisp.  Because it's a cloudy day, because there's three old Golden Delicious sitting in the fridge, because there's some berries verging on freezer burnt, because it's getting to that time of the week when we're down to basic pantry supplies and a scattering of condiments and half sticks of butter in the fridge.  And I needed something sweet, and I needed it pronto.

Brown Butter Toasted Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies

  "Why don't you go stay with Auntie Penny for awhile, run off to Phoenix!"

  I was sitting by a man-made lake in my college town, pouring my heart out to my oldest sister.  I wasn't happy, I was feeling unsettled, and the last thing I wanted to do was study for a biology exam.  I was quiet for a minute, what if?  What if I just did that?  School was driving me crazy, boys (or the lack thereof, at the time) were clouding my head, friends were falling apart and/or moving away, and even food was getting to be unappetizing.  This is coming from a girl who freaking lives for baking.

  So, what if indeed?  I called my aunt the next night, working out some tentative details.  I went home that weekend and sprung the idea on my family.  And you know what?  For the first time in a long time, I got excited.  I got really excited.  I was taking a year off of school (I'd prefer forever, but we'll see), why not travel?  See some new terrain?  I've yet to get out of the Midwest, and while I love it dearly and it will always be home, I gotta get, man.  I just gotta get.

Braided Pear Nutella Bread

  I'm sitting at my kitchen table eating sour blueberries trying to figure out what words I should stick on this page.  I keep getting up every five minutes to pull a bored adolescent dog out of whatever she's not supposed to be doing.  It's like having a kid around here, she's glaring at me from the corner and dragging her toy bone across the wall in defiance.  Oh, I see you, little curmudgeon.

Fluffy Lemon Pound Cake

   If there's one thing I love doing, it's presenting a much-labored-over baked good to someone I care about.  In this instance, I gave a few slices of this loaf cake to a professor of mine who was a regular at a cafe I worked at for a summer.  When they closed down and I saw him classes, he told me one of the things he missed the most was the lemon pound cake.

Peanut Butter Samoas Bars

  Props to my sister for those well-kept nails (you don't ever want to see mine).

  Ohoho yes I went there.  I so went there.

  But these didn't just happen.  First of all, new house, new oven.  New discoveries.  As in, gas stovetops are great, but for some reason the oven likes to brown the crap out of anything I put in there so that's just fine.

  Not fine.  Got some tweaking to do with that.

  So these were inspired by Diethood's awesome-looking gluten-free bars.  Those pictures man, they just got me.  Got me good.  Got me so good I didn't even read through the recipe, just started making them.  They're gluten-free, so what big whoop.  Much big whoop, actually.  The base is just egg and peanut butter baked together.  Like some funky unsweetened eggy custard.  That's fine if you're into that, but...not what I was led to expect.  I wanted creamy.  I wanted peanut butter.  I wanted Reese's and stuff.  Not eggs.

  So I brainstormed on a boring spring break day in the trailer kitchen.  I wanted something simplistic, with no fricken eggs and baking and messing with fussy oven stuff.  I recalled The Wannabe Chef's amazing little peanut butter bar recipe, and from there the ideas just kept flowing.

  The only unsound idea was the graham cracker crust.  It had good intentions, but it just isn't worth it.  It falls apart, doesn't stick to the peanut butter, and really doesn't do much for texture or taste.  So whatever, I'm ditching it for the recipe, and that makes it gluten-free anyway so everyone's happy.

  Look at 'em, just look.  They are beautifully messy.  My first contribution to the obnoxious amount of girl scout cookie recipes out there that there's probably some kind of online food blogger community for.  So proud.

  Also, much rich.  Little nutrition.  High calorie.  Very addict.  But enjoy.

  Also, please welcome the latest contribution to our family, and apparently my new kitchen helper.  We've had her for some amount of months now and she's already grown like crazy while I've been college-ing.  The face kills me every freaking time.  Finola is happy to meet you and would love to lick your face, but alas the computer screen separates her from you.  Done talking vicariously for dogs now, please make bars and eat them k bye.

  

Peanut Butter Samoas Bars
Yield: 16 bars

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup peanut butter, runny or no-stir
• 7 tablespoons butter, divided
• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• 10 oz + 1/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, divided
• 1 1/2 cups shredded sweetened coconut
• 7.5 ounces store-bought or homemade soft caramels
• 1 1/2 tablespoons milk
• A few pinches of salt

Directions:

In a large, microwaveable bowl, melt together the peanut butter and 6 tablespoons butter until completely liquid.  Remove from microwave and stir in powdered sugar.  Press the peanut butter mixture into an even layer in an 8x8 inch square pan.  Melt together the 10 ounces of chocolate chips and remaining tablespoon of butter and mix.  Pour over the peanut butter layer and place in the freezer (or fridge) while you make the topping.

In a medium pan over medium-low heat, toast the coconut, stirring frequently, until golden brown.  Place in a medium bowl and set aside.  In a double boiler (or a medium metal/glass bowl placed over a pot of simmering ((and only simmering, not boiling)) water), combine the caramels, milk, and salt and stir until melted and combined.  Pour the caramel mixture over the toasted coconut and stir to combine.

Immediately press the coconut/caramel mixture onto the peanut butter/chocolate layers, be sure to initially spread it in even chunks as it is quite sticky and will adhere to the still-warm chocolate.  Melt the remaining 1/4 cup of chocolate chips and drizzle over the top with a fork.  Place the finished product in the fridge to chill and set up thoroughly, at least 2 hours, or until the chocolate drizzle has hardened.  

Chisel into bars and allow to come to room temp before serving.  Be wary of portions, these are lovely, but rather rich.

Sources: inspired by Diethood, peanut butter chocolate bars from The Wannabe Chef, and samoas topping from Just a Taste

Coconut Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

  These little circular delights have been sitting in my drafts since winter break, and I just couldn't stand leaving them there any longer.  They are the last things I baked in the home we just moved out of, and baking is all I can think about doing right now, despite the fact that I'm in the library surrounded by piles of homework.  I get some kind of sweet delight in not doing homework when I'm going to the library, it's about as rebellious as I can let myself get this semester.

  I like the library, and it's a good thing, since I spend half my life here now.  Whether it's with friends, by myself, doing homework, studying, or running around leaving funny notes at empty desks.